It's OK to Waste Your Time
This thought that the title expresses made me feel peaceful today.
It may not be applicable to everyone. Probably there are people who are wasting way too much of their time.
I, however, felt peaceful when I gave myself permission to waste my time.
You see, I detected a background anxiety in my mind which, if put in words, would say, "Make sure you spend every minute of your life building your sense of self. Make sure you're working on your goals, building your wealth - oh my God, you took a break in the middle of the day - get on with it..."
This background unease would say - you're turning 30 - you're still not successful - Oh my God! Your life is running out. Look at X, X just went to this country and had a good time - X has more money than you. Look at Y, Y is younger than you and is already so famous...Oh my God! Get off your ass and work!
Now someone people would say, "Great, that unease can be a great motivator."
Not for me. That unease decreases the quality of the work I do. Because of the unease I tend to enjoy whatever I do less and in fact try to escape. When I do take a break, I tend to elongate it because I want to further avoid the not-enjoyable work that's done in an anxious and 'oh my God' kind of fashion.
On the other hand saying, "It's OK to waste my time", frees me. I feel peaceful when I say that. It's OK to not be successful. It's OK to mess up. It's OK to waste my whole life. Yes that runs contrary to YOLO (you only live once) but I don't believe in YOLO. It's OK to make mistakes. It's OK to learn and fall and learn again. It's OK to not have enough money, not be the fittest or not be squeezing the juice out of every minute.
What happens when I consciously say this is something interesting. I don't laze around sleeping. I don't play games on the computer because it's OK to waste my time. I don't not throw the garbage because it's OK.
In fact, I tend to still set goals and actually work more happily and more productively towards them. I tend to have a lot of fun when I take a break and yet I tend to get back to work in a healthy non-escapist sort of way. I even tend to relish the most boring, mundane tasks. I tend to feel more vibrant, alert and alive in the present moment - now that I am not worried about my sense of self being enhanced or not in the future. I tend to make rational decisions based on my desires, my goals and my urges and feel happy - instead of making decisions based on anxiety about the future.
It works for me. I don't think it'll work for everyone in every situation. Probably not.
In fact, there are apparent contradictions about this 'doesn't matter, relax' attitude in my life too.
For example I have told my wife that I'll pay her 600 rupees if I don't wake up at 6 AM in the morning and go for a jog. Now that's not an 'It's OK if I don't wake up' kind of decision. It doesn't seem to gel with the non-anxious mindset I've just talked about. But the thing is: such decisions, goals, the rules I set - do not cause me anxiety. Setting up that Rs 600 bet and waking up makes me feel happy. But when I do get up, if I start thinking about moving on to the next task and then the next one and then the next one till I reach a certain level of success and till my sense of self reaches certain heights - that is what makes me anxious.
So, if I wake up and then enjoy putting my feet on the ground, enjoy brushing my teeth, enjoy my walk and my jog, enjoy listening to the tweeting of the birds, enjoy having breakfast after I come back and also enjoy then taking a bath and working on my goals - that is what I would call the essence of this 'it's OK to waste your time' attitude.
No need to bash myself up. Wherever I am, if I can be alert and conscious and enjoy what I'm doing -that's fine. There is no competition. There is no race I need to win. There is no sense of self I need to build. One day I will die and how will all these things I am so worried about matter anyway?
Yes goals are important, a certain direction in life is important, a time table matters. But the quality that you bring to every moment matters the most. Without that, all goals and time tables and 'sense of self enhancers like money' become useless. There has to be the YOU in this moment to enjoy it - then goals and time tables can enhance the surface of your life. But without the YOU, the depth is gone and goals and time tables are just objects.
Which is why, if telling myself 'It's OK to waste time', makes me more present here and improves the quality of this moment - then it's OK for me to say that to myself.
It may not be applicable to everyone. Probably there are people who are wasting way too much of their time.
I, however, felt peaceful when I gave myself permission to waste my time.
You see, I detected a background anxiety in my mind which, if put in words, would say, "Make sure you spend every minute of your life building your sense of self. Make sure you're working on your goals, building your wealth - oh my God, you took a break in the middle of the day - get on with it..."
This background unease would say - you're turning 30 - you're still not successful - Oh my God! Your life is running out. Look at X, X just went to this country and had a good time - X has more money than you. Look at Y, Y is younger than you and is already so famous...Oh my God! Get off your ass and work!
Now someone people would say, "Great, that unease can be a great motivator."
Not for me. That unease decreases the quality of the work I do. Because of the unease I tend to enjoy whatever I do less and in fact try to escape. When I do take a break, I tend to elongate it because I want to further avoid the not-enjoyable work that's done in an anxious and 'oh my God' kind of fashion.
On the other hand saying, "It's OK to waste my time", frees me. I feel peaceful when I say that. It's OK to not be successful. It's OK to mess up. It's OK to waste my whole life. Yes that runs contrary to YOLO (you only live once) but I don't believe in YOLO. It's OK to make mistakes. It's OK to learn and fall and learn again. It's OK to not have enough money, not be the fittest or not be squeezing the juice out of every minute.
What happens when I consciously say this is something interesting. I don't laze around sleeping. I don't play games on the computer because it's OK to waste my time. I don't not throw the garbage because it's OK.
In fact, I tend to still set goals and actually work more happily and more productively towards them. I tend to have a lot of fun when I take a break and yet I tend to get back to work in a healthy non-escapist sort of way. I even tend to relish the most boring, mundane tasks. I tend to feel more vibrant, alert and alive in the present moment - now that I am not worried about my sense of self being enhanced or not in the future. I tend to make rational decisions based on my desires, my goals and my urges and feel happy - instead of making decisions based on anxiety about the future.
It works for me. I don't think it'll work for everyone in every situation. Probably not.
In fact, there are apparent contradictions about this 'doesn't matter, relax' attitude in my life too.
For example I have told my wife that I'll pay her 600 rupees if I don't wake up at 6 AM in the morning and go for a jog. Now that's not an 'It's OK if I don't wake up' kind of decision. It doesn't seem to gel with the non-anxious mindset I've just talked about. But the thing is: such decisions, goals, the rules I set - do not cause me anxiety. Setting up that Rs 600 bet and waking up makes me feel happy. But when I do get up, if I start thinking about moving on to the next task and then the next one and then the next one till I reach a certain level of success and till my sense of self reaches certain heights - that is what makes me anxious.
So, if I wake up and then enjoy putting my feet on the ground, enjoy brushing my teeth, enjoy my walk and my jog, enjoy listening to the tweeting of the birds, enjoy having breakfast after I come back and also enjoy then taking a bath and working on my goals - that is what I would call the essence of this 'it's OK to waste your time' attitude.
No need to bash myself up. Wherever I am, if I can be alert and conscious and enjoy what I'm doing -that's fine. There is no competition. There is no race I need to win. There is no sense of self I need to build. One day I will die and how will all these things I am so worried about matter anyway?
Yes goals are important, a certain direction in life is important, a time table matters. But the quality that you bring to every moment matters the most. Without that, all goals and time tables and 'sense of self enhancers like money' become useless. There has to be the YOU in this moment to enjoy it - then goals and time tables can enhance the surface of your life. But without the YOU, the depth is gone and goals and time tables are just objects.
Which is why, if telling myself 'It's OK to waste time', makes me more present here and improves the quality of this moment - then it's OK for me to say that to myself.
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