My Monkey Mind
They say our mind is like a monkey. It goes from one thought to another, one emotion to another. Spiritual teachers, religions, and just about anyone you meet will agree to this. After all, we know that our mind wanders way too much.
In the last one year, I've learnt a lot about the workings of my own mind - especially its weaknesses.
I have learnt that:
1. My mind is excessively lazy. It doesn't want my body to move much. It doesn't want to start anything new for quite a long time. Any change which requires me to move my body requires a kick in the ass.
2. My mind is nuts about seeking pleasure. Whether sexual, culinary or entertainment based (eg. watching a funny video or playing a computer game) - my mind is obsessed with pleasure. It wants lots of it and enough is never enough.
3. My mind is remarkably hesitant in initiating contact with other people (who I am not intimate with). This is especially true if I am required to interact with them for a reason. It avoids such interactions way too stubbornly. The more tired or unconscious I am, the more in charge my mind is - and the lesser I will want to interact with other people. I have actually paid more to order food online instead of calling the restaurant - simply because I didn't want to interact with the restaurant manager. Wow.
This refusal, hesitation and anxiety that comes with interacting with new people further increases when I am supposed to get stuff done, persuade others or express my needs.
4. My mind does not want to take risks of any sort, does not want to do anything where the outcome is uncertain - unless it is forced to do so. It is scared of any sort of change.
5. My mind cares terribly about what other people think of me (it), its interpretation of what others think of me, what they just might think of me, whether they're perceiving me as perfect or not... It's obsessed about others' thoughts about it.
6. My mind is very, very insecure and is always worried about its identity being diminished. While its primary way to establish an identity is based on what others think of it, another way is to stick to how much money I have. Even if I have tons of money, the mind is insecure about whether it is more than last month's money or not. If the money amount keeps increasing, then the mind is obsessed about whether the increase this month is less than last month's increase or more.
If the mind sees that my friend seems to be enjoying a certain travel experience, the mind will try to compare and contrast.My mind keeps asking the question, "Is my identity OK? Please reassure me. I am very insecure. Do something more to assure me that my identity is OK and that I am something."
Now learning all this about my mind is useful because when I am conscious (that is not taken over by the mind completely), I can use this information above to manipulate my mind.
Here's what I am already doing (and what I have done) to manipulate my mind. Here's also why that manipulation is required.
1. I have started setting goals. I set goals in September and now I've set them in April. These goals which I keep looking at and which are very specific help me take some action towards long term things that I know should be done/I really want to do. Just setting goals doesn't make me do them - but looking at them again and again, resolving to do them etc. makes the mind associate its identity with achieving those goals.
2. I have a 'Daily Productivity and Meaning Sheet' where I give myself points for doing simple things like waking up at 6 AM, maintaining a work attitude throughout the day, doing one thing my mind resists, bathing at the right time etc. Again just because I give myself these points doesn't ensure that everything written in the sheet gets done. BUT - there's some help in taming the mind because the mind feels its identity a little shaken if the points are lesser.
3. I have told my wife that I'll pay her Rs 600 the day I don't wake up at 6 AM in the morning and go for a jog. This is a kick in the ass that makes me get up even when my mind absolutely doesn't want to. After a few months or so, once the habit is established, this Rs 600 thing won't be necessary. I had similarly told her I would pay her Rs 630 if I didn't get up at 6:30 AM some months ago. It worked like a charm!
4. I have told my wife that I'll pay her Rs 1000 for every day when I don't meet the target that I've set the previous day related to my e-commerce business goal. This is an excellent motivator because quite a few times I have to perform tasks which involve social interaction, doing things that stretch me, take me out of my comfort zone etc. - so the loss of Rs 1000 counter-balances the mind's urge to procrastinate.
5. I gave up refined wheat flour and deep fried food when I had a severe stomach ache as well as an issue with anus. It was a literal kick in the ass. Not until such a kick did I give up junk food (except on cheat days).
6. I started focusing on my 'work attitude' till 7:30 PM, started contributing to household tasks, started taking interest in day to day repairs and practical matters after my wife was completely frustrated and I felt the marriage would break if I didn't do something. The point being - again my mind needed a kick in the ass.
7. I started meditating only after loads of arguments, lots of pain, extreme unhappiness and suffering. Things had to literally break down before I was pushed into forming a meditating habit.
The point is to remember that I am not my mind BUT my mind behaves like an entity in its own right. I tend to become my mind so often that checks are required to force my mind to comply.
Meditation - something I've been practising - is one part of the 'mind control' process. It's like exercise - makes me stronger and healthier. But establishing controls like the ones above are like the correct diet. Both measures are vital.
In the last one year, I've learnt a lot about the workings of my own mind - especially its weaknesses.
I have learnt that:
1. My mind is excessively lazy. It doesn't want my body to move much. It doesn't want to start anything new for quite a long time. Any change which requires me to move my body requires a kick in the ass.
2. My mind is nuts about seeking pleasure. Whether sexual, culinary or entertainment based (eg. watching a funny video or playing a computer game) - my mind is obsessed with pleasure. It wants lots of it and enough is never enough.
3. My mind is remarkably hesitant in initiating contact with other people (who I am not intimate with). This is especially true if I am required to interact with them for a reason. It avoids such interactions way too stubbornly. The more tired or unconscious I am, the more in charge my mind is - and the lesser I will want to interact with other people. I have actually paid more to order food online instead of calling the restaurant - simply because I didn't want to interact with the restaurant manager. Wow.
This refusal, hesitation and anxiety that comes with interacting with new people further increases when I am supposed to get stuff done, persuade others or express my needs.
4. My mind does not want to take risks of any sort, does not want to do anything where the outcome is uncertain - unless it is forced to do so. It is scared of any sort of change.
5. My mind cares terribly about what other people think of me (it), its interpretation of what others think of me, what they just might think of me, whether they're perceiving me as perfect or not... It's obsessed about others' thoughts about it.
6. My mind is very, very insecure and is always worried about its identity being diminished. While its primary way to establish an identity is based on what others think of it, another way is to stick to how much money I have. Even if I have tons of money, the mind is insecure about whether it is more than last month's money or not. If the money amount keeps increasing, then the mind is obsessed about whether the increase this month is less than last month's increase or more.
If the mind sees that my friend seems to be enjoying a certain travel experience, the mind will try to compare and contrast.My mind keeps asking the question, "Is my identity OK? Please reassure me. I am very insecure. Do something more to assure me that my identity is OK and that I am something."
Now learning all this about my mind is useful because when I am conscious (that is not taken over by the mind completely), I can use this information above to manipulate my mind.
Here's what I am already doing (and what I have done) to manipulate my mind. Here's also why that manipulation is required.
1. I have started setting goals. I set goals in September and now I've set them in April. These goals which I keep looking at and which are very specific help me take some action towards long term things that I know should be done/I really want to do. Just setting goals doesn't make me do them - but looking at them again and again, resolving to do them etc. makes the mind associate its identity with achieving those goals.
2. I have a 'Daily Productivity and Meaning Sheet' where I give myself points for doing simple things like waking up at 6 AM, maintaining a work attitude throughout the day, doing one thing my mind resists, bathing at the right time etc. Again just because I give myself these points doesn't ensure that everything written in the sheet gets done. BUT - there's some help in taming the mind because the mind feels its identity a little shaken if the points are lesser.
3. I have told my wife that I'll pay her Rs 600 the day I don't wake up at 6 AM in the morning and go for a jog. This is a kick in the ass that makes me get up even when my mind absolutely doesn't want to. After a few months or so, once the habit is established, this Rs 600 thing won't be necessary. I had similarly told her I would pay her Rs 630 if I didn't get up at 6:30 AM some months ago. It worked like a charm!
4. I have told my wife that I'll pay her Rs 1000 for every day when I don't meet the target that I've set the previous day related to my e-commerce business goal. This is an excellent motivator because quite a few times I have to perform tasks which involve social interaction, doing things that stretch me, take me out of my comfort zone etc. - so the loss of Rs 1000 counter-balances the mind's urge to procrastinate.
5. I gave up refined wheat flour and deep fried food when I had a severe stomach ache as well as an issue with anus. It was a literal kick in the ass. Not until such a kick did I give up junk food (except on cheat days).
6. I started focusing on my 'work attitude' till 7:30 PM, started contributing to household tasks, started taking interest in day to day repairs and practical matters after my wife was completely frustrated and I felt the marriage would break if I didn't do something. The point being - again my mind needed a kick in the ass.
7. I started meditating only after loads of arguments, lots of pain, extreme unhappiness and suffering. Things had to literally break down before I was pushed into forming a meditating habit.
The point is to remember that I am not my mind BUT my mind behaves like an entity in its own right. I tend to become my mind so often that checks are required to force my mind to comply.
Meditation - something I've been practising - is one part of the 'mind control' process. It's like exercise - makes me stronger and healthier. But establishing controls like the ones above are like the correct diet. Both measures are vital.
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